You'll either love it or hate it. That's how I feel about this book
after spending an evening with it. Where do I come out? Well,
you'll have to keep reading to find out.
I was warned about this book and it didn't take me long to find out
why. By page 29, I was banging my head on a metaphorical wall, trying to
figure out how I was going to make it through the rest of the book with an open
mind.
Driscoll is fairly opinionated about specific gender roles and makes these
opinions very clear. In his chapter written to men, Driscoll tells men
not to be "dumb" and to act like men. Ok, fair enough.
Men should be men. I agree. But he also says that it is the man's
job to provide enough income so that the woman does not have to work, but
rather has everything she needs to stay at home with the children. I
quote, "A wife who finds a way to make money from home or without
neglecting her first God-given responsibilities of Christian, wife, and mother
is acceptable. But men, you should make money. You should feed your
family." He also tells men that if they want other men, their wives,
and their children to respect them, they need to pay the bills. Simple as
that. Well, life isn't always as simple as that. This chapter is
full of this and other "wake-up calls" to men that yes, are worth
considering, but perhaps would do more harm than good to read.
Throughout the book, Driscoll includes Scripture references.
Wonderful! I love when authors, pastors, TEACHERS back what they're
saying with the Bible. I took the time to look up many of the references
on my trusty iPhone Bible app and was blown away by the interpretation of some
of the passages. Some of the verses were taken completely out of context
and seemed to be stretched and twisted to somehow fit what Driscoll was trying
to say. I urge you to do your own research into the passages used and
study the context surrounding them to understand what they are really
saying. Find a good commentary...
I noticed a few instances where something Driscoll writes contradicts with
something earlier in the book. For instance, Driscoll says that a
marriage is about being mutually loving and then later in the book he says that
a wife should submit to her husband because the husband is the head of the
household (not SHOULD be the head, IS the head). This gets quite
concerning in sexual matters, as it isn't quite clear what this would mean when
the husband and wife have different opinions on such topics.
I was cringing when I reached the "Sex" portion of the book, not
really knowing what I would find inside. I was pleasantly surprised, for
the most part. Driscoll's ideas about sex seemed fair and worth
consideration. At times he seemed to go a bit far, such as when he
suggests that one should have sex with their spouse, despite not wanting
to. At the end of the book, there is a section that goes through various
sexual acts and Driscoll lays out his thoughts (and "biblical"
groundwork) on each. I won't go into detail, but please, PLEASE read these
with a grain of salt and talk to someone you trust such as a pastor or
spiritual director if you are unclear or uncertain about anything that you see
here.
Overall, I wouldn't say that this book was a COMPLETE waste of my evening,
but I wouldn't say that it was the best use of my time either. I found
myself frustrated, annoyed, and disappointed that this book is getting all the
press that it is. With all of its contradictions, poor biblical
interpretation, and unfair gender stereotypes, I find that even the good and
helpful parts of this book get lost in the harmful and distinctly
wrong ideas, leaving it doing more harm than good.
There are better options out there in terms of books on marriage (ask your
pastor for suggesions), but if you want to read this book and see the "car
crash" for yourself, by all means...
"Advanced Reader's Copy of the book has been provided courtesy of Thomas Nelson and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.
Available at your favourite bookseller from Thomas Nelson".
